i am so grateful for meditation. i am so grateful of having a meditating habit. i am so grateful for awareness and consciousness throughout the day. i am so grateful for my affirmations. i am so grateful i understand them. i am so grateful i am sowing love. i am so grateful for unconditional love. i am so grateful for all the advice and knowledge i have manifested in the past few weeks. i am so grateful for reaching a higher, deeper level. i am so grateful for opening up to different possibilities. i am so grateful i see the good in things. i am so grateful i can see that the path is wide and long, and can fit several views side by side and i don’t have to just pick the one. i am so glad religion is not an enemy. i am so grateful that there is no enemy, there is only what i allow and what i disallow and that is entirely in my control. i am so grateful i can breathe and focus enough to stay on the path.

i love my parents’ new home. i love that it’s so close and easy to reach. i love that i can see Nelli more often. i love Nelli! i  LOVE the movie version of Norwegian Wood! i love that i love both the book and the movie so much! i love Japan and Japanese. i love going to Japanese classes! i love that i can pick out phrases and words, understand some of the kanji, when i watch Japanese movies. i love sweet surprises like being handed a rose on the street. i love that i’m so motivated to work on Uni stuff again. i love and appreciate that i can put things into perspective and not stress about it. i love having an old painting i did a few years ago in my room. i love the idea of it being on my wall. i love expecting abundance. i love that i am getting better at feeling the vibration, and seeing it. i love that i got to talk to Kaisa on the phone on Wednesday! i love that my wrist warmers are selling like mad!

i want to reach a higher level still. i want clearer vision and understanding. i want peace to flow through me, i want peace to flow in my veins like blood. i want an open heart and emotional freedom. i want the confidence to be able to say “i want that, i deserve that” and then go and do it, get it. i want to love myself so steadily and freely that i’ll be able to love and appreciate everyone around me completely. i want to give more, be more allowing. i want to let someone close and i want to trust and be trusted. i want to be my greatest supporter, to have conviction and confidence. i want love and peace and joy.

stuff i love: long, long skype sessions with friends | crocheting like crazy | making stuff for other people | doing work that pays | my book on meditation | getting a couch today! | life design dream!!! * | funny and strange dreams in general | having a really good talk with mom | gonna help parents move house today & get to see my uncles and such! | going out and breathing fresh air first thing in the morning | kids (especially sweet 3-year-olds who remember your name and greet you excitely) | cleaning up and putting stuff back in their place | classes start on Monday (excited & nervous) | working on semi-secret, exciting projects! | those moments where everything is perfect and you just love people and the world SO MUCH | finding the solution to my iTunes conundrum |heightened awareness of my breathing and my thoughts.

* i had this amazing dream where i was reconfiguring reality step by step, in complete awareness of doing so. i remember thinking “i can make reality look just like i want it to, i can change my perception and my surroundings in the blink of an eye”. it was like walking through a bunch of rooms, each one opening into another one, and i was like…i don’t know. turning lights on and off with my mind? it was so clear and so inspiring and waking up felt amazing, because it felt like a confirmation of what i’ve been thinking about and what i (and everyone else) can do!

i am so grateful for the expansion of my mind in the last few days. i am so grateful for the amazing sense of peace i’ve had since yesterday. i am so grateful for manifesting exactly those things i’ve been wanting. i am so grateful to have met someone who knows what i talk about when i talk about this. i am so grateful that i feel like i’ve met another soul, not just a person. i am so grateful to get to discuss things with Antti. i am so grateful for the amazing massage he gave me. i am so grateful for physical well-being that lights up the core of your soul, and spiritual well-being that lights up your whole body. i am so grateful for the ease in which things flow. i am so grateful to actually be able to see that i do create, i am capable, and i am worthy. i am so grateful for being able to let it go. i am so, so unbelievably grateful for unconditional love. i am so grateful to know that there are no boundaries, we are all the same.

i love having a cup of tea, especially in good company. i love getting text messages asking me to meet someone somewhere. i love that i got to see Vilkku again. i love learning new things. i love the teacher teaching my current course. i love how he speaks arabic. i love languages. i love manifesting new information. i love the beauty of manifesting. i love the unpublished soul care post i have saved in my blog archive. i love that i feel like i could post it now, just as well. i love my two new shirts and my new manga. i love my dad, who has his birthday today!! i love inspiring teachers! i love seeing people learn! i love talking to insta!friends online! i love giving, i love making people happy. i love getting love through love, peace through peace. i love my clarity of mind and rendezvousing with another enlightened being. i love that i can see we all can be enlightened, and we all are in different stages of enlightenment.

i love.

i am grateful that i can face contrast without it plunging me into despair. i am grateful that i can keep my head above water and see things for what they are. i’m grateful for my steadied, open perception. i am grateful for being able to feel the changes happening in me; i’m grateful for awareness, for consciousness. i’m grateful for feeling like my knots are becoming unknotted, my mind and my inner life smoothing out and relaxing. i’m grateful to be closing and sheltering where it is needed, and opening and receiving where that is needed. i’m grateful that i’m more and more conscious of my own self-worth; i’m grateful that it is not so easily broken anymore. i’m grateful for this feeling of settling, accepting and appreciating what i have, knowing i can have more and constantly striving for that. i am grateful i can be happy quietly as well as loudly and abundantly. i am so grateful for the feeling you get when you brave something, do what most scares you right then, and you come out fine, come out stronger. i’m grateful for having done many intimidating things in the past few weeks; they’ve all been good for me.

i love financial abundance. i love the smell of lavender soap in the bathroom (thanks mom!). i love the outings i’ve had with friends: movies, picnics (with three dogs and baby), cups of tea and ice coffee at a cafe; conversations over the phone and on skype. i love the new music i’ve discovered: Lonely Lullaby by Owl City; Junk of the Heart by the Kooks; I Need A Dollar by Aloe Blacc. i love not worrying. i love the friday lunch date i had with mom. i love that i got to see her office for the first time in about 20 years. i love doing stuff with my dad; selling stuff at the Hietalahti flea market, for example. i love that there are so many movies in the theaters that i want to see (Norwegian Wood, Rise of the Planet of Apes, Friends With Benefits etc). i love going out for long walks; i love that i’ve made them a daily habit. i love the new workouts i’ve discovered. i love getting back into knitting and crochet. i love that classes are starting again; i love that the first one is today (though this is a summer class, and the autumn classes start in a month). i love taking interesting classes. i love doing henna on myself.

i know i can write what i want. i know i can get past the blocks in my mind that scare me away from writing or posting pictures i’ve taken. i know it doesn’t matter, and this is for me first. i know i can get past the way words and phrases are jumbled up in my head, i know i can sort it out. i know i don’t have to sort it out, it will smooth out by itself. i can recognise the truth in this quotation by Jessica:

“Everything in your reality is trying to help you, not hurt you.”

& i know there is no reason to fear judgment. i know there is no reason to worry about other people. i know there is no reason to worry about myself. i know fear is unnecessary, unless it is used as motivation to go ahead and face the subject of that fear. i know everything is okay; always has been and always will be.

i am so glad today has been sunny. i am so glad it’s hot again! i am so glad to get to walk under a clear blue sky. i am so glad the ocean is so close to me. i am so glad i feel like i belong near an ocean. i am so glad that i was woken by text messages from people wanting to hang out with me. i am so glad i got to hang out and make out with a lovely girl today. i am so glad i’m finding myself. i’m so glad others are finding me as a result. i am s glad this week is pride week. i am so glad this week is so action packed! i am so glad i might be going to a pride picnic, pride foam party, pride movie, pride ladies night and the pride parade! i am so glad i’ve got so many friends going there with me. i am so glad i just rescued a bird. i am so glad i can do something to help it. i am so glad i talked to an rspca type lady on the phone and she cared so much about what had happened. i am so glad people care about things! i am so glad the summer sales have begun! i am so glad my client told me my work was top quality (woah, amazing)! i am so glad for abundance! i am so glad my therapist gets to go on holiday (& thus i get to go on therapy-holiday, as well, tho i wouldn’t mind continuing)!

I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED TO BE GOING TO BRIGHTON & LONDON AND SEEING KAISA, HETTY & NINA IN A FEW WEEKS. OMFG. i am so glad i’ve got friends all around the world!

i am so glad i just realised i get paid to study! i get to make myself smart and educated and improve my skills, and somebody wants to pay me for it, instead of me paying to getting to do it! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

i’m so excited about writing a post about what i’ve been doing every wednesday morning for the past month! IT IS SO AWESOME, i swear.

i’m so grateful to know these wonderful people: Hetty, Kaisa, Kaisa, Vilkku, Heidi, Milla, Miira, Hanna, Jessica, Kelly, Nina, Maria, Alexandra, Jonathan, Gun, Tommy, Dianah, Mårten, Josh, Emma, Resse, Rame, Joke, Lea, Kaarina, Eeva-Liisa, Mom, Dad & NELLI <3 seriously. make a list of all the amazing people in your life! i could do appreciation lists of them all! i will!

i am so glad to be glad and grateful today! i was outside at the waterside today, with the sun shining and the sky all blue, people milling about, and i stood on a bench and named the things i was grateful for! it felt so freaking good, and liberating!

also, i love jumping and dancing around for pictures! i love taking pictures! and i love doing work in my own field! WOO!

i’m so grateful that i found summer courses that will get me money and educate me. i am so grateful for my own perseverance. i am so grateful i managed to do a 2-month course in 5 days. i am so grateful for meeting a fun girl. i am so grateful for my daring. i am so grateful she is interested in seeing me. i am so grateful for summer and being free. i am so grateful for new ideas for posts constantly popping up in my head today. i am so grateful for stormy weather. i am so grateful i get to be safe inside and watch it. i am so grateful it’s Midsummer’s eve tomorrow & i decided to spend it with my parents & their friends. i am so grateful for my therapist (have i like, mentioned this before, perhaps? haha). i am so grateful for all the realisations i’ve had in the past week. i am so grateful i got to talk to my aunt and her husband on the phone today. i am so grateful i have such a wonderful extended family (and immediate family, of course!). i am so grateful i have added tomato, raw carrot & new fish into my diet during this summer, so far! I AM SO GRATEFUL TO MISS TESS FOR SENDING ME A TUTU-MAKING KIT! omfg, so awesome & made my day! i am so grateful to have a tutu now hanging on my wall! i am so grateful i will be able to wear it to Helsinki Pride next week! i am so grateful i’ve  fulfilled 25% of my summer to-do list!:

1) spend more time outside, less online
2) go out (to a bar, party etc) once a week
3) spend a week in the UK, seeing people
4) redo wardrobe: more colours, more oomph.
5) swim in the sea, in a lake and a pool.
6) Harry Potter movie marathon!
7) slow dance with a girl
8 ) listen to more finnish music
9) go to a gig/concert
10) develop a running habit
11) GET A JOB
12) have a picnic and invite all the awesome people you know
13) compile the raddest playlist that I want to listen to forever and ever
14) keep up with my Japanese!
15) kisses, kisses, kisses.
16) get to know new people!
17) TRAMPOLINE! Get to it.
18) roadtrip! it’s been AGES since i did it!
19) stay up all night (dancing?)
20) stargazing! for hours. with someone!

i want to write these posts more often. i want to want to write these posts more often. i want to deeper into life design and lifestreaming. i want to figure out an easy way to post pictures of my life on twitter or tumblr instantly. i want to have two separate tumblrs: one for lifestreaming & one for fandom stuff. i want to be more active, or more focused when it comes to my life. i want to live in the moment and enjoy everything. i want to try everything fun at least once! i want to know my own power, i want to know that i am equal to each and every person on this planet and i don’t have to assume a submissive position to everyone i meet. i want to devote more time to things i am really passionate about: voluunteering (!), photography, yoga & hippie-hangouts!

stuff i intend to get: a maxi dress, a new camera lens, plane tickets to the UK, loafers/moccasins, geraniums, more fitted bedsheets.

i love the thought that the world is full of opportunities; for jobs, acquaintances, travel, romance, adventure, growth, life. i love the thought of working out till my thighs, calves and arms ache and i’m drenched in sweat. i love the thought of pink-orange-purple light in the sky and on the streets at sundown. i love the thought of Mika Waltari sitting in a cottage somewhere in Finland, sixty plus years ago, working on a book and struggling but overcoming. i love the thought of hair worn down, floating and flying in the wind. i love the thought of sprinting as fast as i can across a huge field of grass. i love the thought of rapid motion, feeling free and going so fast you barely touch the ground. i love the thought of finding money in every pocket of every garment i own. i love the thought of money being an afterthought. i love the thought of coloured lights going off and on, fluttering across my walls at night, like vibrant moths. i love the thought of hortensias and pelargonias on my window sill. i love thought of eating only fresh fruit and vegetables, soy yogurt and the occasional piece of bread all summer. i love the thought of a strong scent of strawberries surrounding you, making you almost dizzy.

i love a line from a story i yesterday, describing a woman whose breath smelled of strawberries and who otherwise carried the scent of chamomile with her. i love that i feel good. i love that we can laugh and share things with my therapist. i love that i skyped with Kaisa today. i love that when you concentrate, think for a second, you realise your life is inifintely abundant. i love that i can list all signs of the abundance in my life on Jessica’s abundance sheets. i love that when i am happy i don’t have to think. i love that only good thoughts can come from a happy mind. i love the courage i have. i love that i realised today that i see the good in people. i love discovering new, lovely things about myself. i love discovering them in other people. i love that i’ve been out so much this past week, seen and talked to so many people. i love that there really are endless possibilities, and that i am beginning to believe that i only have to wait and see and things will sort themselves out. i love planning trips. i love thinking “i could if i wanted to”, because its true. i love figuring out new things about photography. i love that there are so many talented people out there, sharing their knowledge. for free! i love listening to Simon & Garfunkel. i love buying new tooth brushes. i love looking forward to lovely things and i love keeping an open mind about it all.

things flow if you let them. i only have to go with that flow. release and accept; i’m always okay. everyone is okay, everyone will be.

i am so grateful i’ve been going to the gym again. I am so grateful my stamina has improved. i am so grateful to have found a great machine there. i am so grateful talking to a fellow life designer and namesake on Facebook made me start doing the 5 tibetan rites again. I am so grateful to be moving more. I am so grateful that I made myself walk to the Helsinki main library yesterday in the pouring rain and wind, to get the last part of VW’s diaries. I am so grateful they had it even though the library worked first mistakenly told me they didn’t have it. I am so grateful for Virginia Woolf; I am so grateful to have found her when I was depressed, so grateful for her shrewd mind, so grateful I can relate to her, so grateful she wrote her diaries, so grateful LW let them be published. I am so grateful for literature. I’m so grateful to have become a bibliophile after barely touching a book for the first 15 years of my life! I’m so grateful to move onto another subject now, haha!

I’m so grateful for the downtime the summer holidays has affored me. I am so grateful that it allows me to be more conscious of how I think and why I think that way. I am so grateful to be able to gently direct myself. I am so grateful that, although I sometimes have radical mood swings, the upswing is as radical and quick as the downswing, and the good mood, the real mood, the aligned mood last for far longer than the bad ones do. it’s not even comparable! I am so grateful for understanding myself and others better every day. I am so grateful for releasing resentment and pain, and allowing well-being. I am so grateful that when I close my eyes and breathe, focus on well-being and remind myself to allow it, I can actually feel it, right then and there.

I am so grateful I wrote that article. I am so grateful I could teach myself that as well as help someone else maybe understand something. I am so grateful my mind is opening up and that I can now give as well as receive. I am so grateful to be attracting new information on myself, on things I am currently thinking about. I am so grateful for the reminder of synchronicities. I am so grateful I am starting to understand and accept that I don’t need validation, that my existence and my right to exist is not threatened by somebody else’s perceived criticism. I am so grateful that I know that everyone is equally entitled to happiness, abundance, well-being and themselves, and that includes me. I am so grateful to know that everyone has all of that, it just needs to be let in.

good things: got my own webcam with mic on Wednesday! * video convo with Heidi. * good meetings with two therapists * 20 minutes non-stop on the stepper thingy at the gym * yoga every morning * raw carrot every day for six days now! * second tomato consumed, still good! * cousin’s graduation party tonight, am really proud of him (& wish I knew him better)* World Village Festival with Miira and her baby tomorrow! * movies with Kaisa P. on wendesday! * taking pictures, all the time * feeling inspired* the feeling I got the other day that I AM actually a good photographer, and that I have hidden potential, and I just need to somehow release it * applying for fun jobs * getting back onto the forum! * dad getting back fine & on time from his business trip, despite the volcanic ash * inspiration to write * mom coming over on Thursday, cooked her dinner and talked loads * my sweetest baby puppy! get to baby-sit her next weekend * tumblr – how awesome is it, truly!

things that have been great this past week: finland winning the Ice Hockey World Championship; “beer” with the new flatmate at our local bar downstairs; sleeping in a big bed, in a room with curtains; new room!; local supermarket finished renovations and the place looks badass; playing a colour/law of attraction game - think about a colour i want to see and then look for it & see it popping up everywhere; warm weather & sunshine today; Monday evening street jam; long walks; starting my yoga practice again; gym today!; Heavy Mental Lover by Lady Gaga; sweetest messages from sweetest Hetty; sending Heidi a happy birthday text at 00.00 today & having her call me up a second after; vaccuuming empty spaces, ahh. settling down to read a looong, good fic. pictures of hippie communities on tumblr - exactly what i want.

i am so grateful to see purpose and plot in things again. i am so grateful i can’t and don’t want to shake off what i have learned about the law of attraction. i am so grateful that reading the writings of fellow life designers re-enforces my belief in it. i am so grateful that even if it didn’t, the things and ideas achieved by people like Jessica & Kelly (surprise!) inspire me anyway and would help me direct my own thoughts and my life into the direction i want to go. i am so grateful that they already have. i am so grateful that i understand so much more about the way i think and feel because of life design. i am so grateful that i know that if i focus, make time and allow, i can grow and go further, deeper.

i am so grateful to realise i’m starting to think again. it sounds strange, but for years and years, i didn’t actually think about anything substantial, at least not purposely. now i’m starting to again; i think about things, i ask questions, i’m interested and inspired. i feel like i can do things, i can make changes. i am realising that the only thing standing in my ways is my own uncertainty, lack of determination. i know i can change that, i know i can have the same faith in myself that i have in others. i know i can do whatever i want.

i am so grateful that it is such a mind blowing realisation to me: i can do WHATEVER i want. those things that other people do every day, that they don’t even think about - i can do those and so much more. it’s not just other people that visit places like the US and Japan, i can do that too. it’s not just other people who are in romantic relationships and have sex; i can do that too. it’s not just other people who go after their dreams and take whatever steps necessary to reach their goals; i can do that too. it’s not just other people who can eat fruit, salad, sugar; i can do that too. it’s not just other people who are attractive and pretty and interesting to others; i can be that too. i might already be that.

i am so grateful for clarity. i am so grateful for understanding.i am so grateful for ease. i am so grateful for feeling myself smile again (have you noticed that it’s physically pleasurable to smile? it feels so good). i am so grateful for knowing mentally, if not always emotionally, that i am free and that i am not alone.

I AM SO GRATEFUL I FEEL LIKE WRITING A SOUL CARING POST! i am so grateful for my ability to concentrate on work that needs doing. i am so grateful that i can take a pretty big stress load and manage it well. i am so grateful for all the invitations i’ve been getting! i am so grateful for the sweet comments i’ve been getting on the blog lately. i am so grateful i felt inspired to fill out a momentum gathering worksheet yesterday! i am so grateful i’ve gotten back into country & blues lately. i am so grateful that i get to cross things off my to-do list. i am so grateful for downtime and brainless activities. i am so grateful i got to mother Kaisa on saturday. i am so grateful for the really warm weather we had a week ago. i am so grateful for tips on available jobs. i am so grateful i have such a great family. i am so grateful for the realisation i had yesterday (or was it today? help!) that i’ve been focusing on lack instead of gain and joy when i’ve been doing these, lately.

i love soup days at Uni! i love bumping into people i know unexpectedly! i love chatting with Katri. i love that i bought a hole punch a week ago! i love all the pics i’ve taken lately! i love playing Sing Star on Playstation! i love watching a gazillion eps of our shows, one after the other, with Kaisa. i love that while 70% of finland was out drinking and partying this past weekend, i got a huge amount of work done instead. i love that i enjoyed it, instead of being bummed out. i love Steve Carlson. i love Christian Kane! i love “Don’t Take the Girl” by Tim McGraw (even though it’s sad). i love new music. i love that i’ve been listening to fanfic audiobooks instead of doing bedtime reading. i love green; so much, it is so wonderful and fresh and makes me think of nature and growth and health and i just want to surround myself with it!

wouldn’t it be nice to go out partying with Kaisa on friday? wouldn’t it be nice to give mom a really nice mother’s day next sunday? wouldn’t it be nice to take care of Nelli for a couple of days this summer? wouldn’t it be nice to get all those job apps sent? wouldn’t it be nice to hear back from the ones i’ve already sent to? wouldn’t it be nice to get a really awesome job this summer? wouldn’t it be nice to go to Brighton in july and spend a week on the beach and hittin’ up the ladies in Kemp town? wouldn’t it be nice to actually do it instead of just talking about it? wouldn’t it be nice to be kinder to myself? wouldn’t it be nice if i treated myself like someone i love dearly? wouldn’t it be nice to remember that i do love myself dearly? wouldn’t it be nice to express my love to everyone i love more often? wouldn’t it be nice to hang out with my cousin Julio? wouldn’t it be nice to be looked up to? wouldn’t it be nice to be hired as an expert somewhere? wouldn’t it be nice to do an internship in Japan? wouldn’t it be nice to get my BA done by next christmas? wouldn’t it be nice to just take things as they come and make the best of them?

i am so very happy and satisfied right now!
five rad people i know:
1) Mom
2) Dad
3) Kaisa
4) Dianah
5) Gun (it’s a swedish name, not a weapon!)

let’s go skip and dance in a field of poppies, shall we? let’s always feel this silly and giddy and good. or aim for it, anyway!